I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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