Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
this must be what syphilis tastes like
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
