That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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