Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My penis needs a shock collar
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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