Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
