it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
