apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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