i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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