You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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