i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
