I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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