i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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