There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
