I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
