i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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