what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
