Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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