and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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