I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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