I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's the barista slut.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Never joke about your clitoris.
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