There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
