Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
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I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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