Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
