so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
