i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
