my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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