my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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