If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
