i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize