Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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