Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

(508): View more from Massachusetts

yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

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(619): View more from California

Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night

(323): View more from California

How mad was your dog?

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(773): View more from Illinois

I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts

(815): View more from Illinois

Maybe I will go to the company picnic

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