Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
