eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
accomplished twins. life is a go
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
