like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
