thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
