You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
