so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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