so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
