DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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