did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
