You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
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Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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