just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
