perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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