I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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