i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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