hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize