This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
nutella sex= disaster
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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