I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
