If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
