His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
