I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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