Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
