Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.