You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...