Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

your room smells of hookers.

(904): View more from Florida

And success

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(303): View more from Colorado

I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

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(619): View more from California

I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags

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(509): View more from Washington

I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?

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(210): View more from Texas

It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt

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(870): View more from Arkansas

she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it

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