Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles

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  (708): chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles http://tfl.nu/o4hh
  Replies (16) Good night (814) Bad night (1528)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.

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  (814): First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half. http://tfl.nu/df8e
  Replies (27) Good night (4339) Bad night (1024)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles

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  (319): I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles http://tfl.nu/zz0g
  Replies (7) Good night (2697) Bad night (527)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Who pooed in my magic bullet?

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  Sorry the bathroom was being used.

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  (613): Who pooed in my magic bullet? (1-613): Sorry the bathroom was being used. http://tfl.nu/qp1c
  Replies (9) Good night (818) Bad night (4618)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.

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  (609): Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night. http://tfl.nu/lzo0
  Replies (21) Good night (5524) Bad night (656)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Not having phil's child is good enough.

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  (513): Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize. (1-513): Not having phil's child is good enough. http://tfl.nu/zrt3
  Replies (19) Good night (6404) Bad night (944)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.

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  (+44): Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand. http://tfl.nu/fdqs
  Replies (22) Good night (8670) Bad night (880)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.

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  (937): A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining. http://tfl.nu/4mc3
  Replies (16) Good night (2707) Bad night (867)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love

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  (610): you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love http://tfl.nu/ef9a
  Replies (5) Good night (1405) Bad night (457)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.

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  (540): how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove. http://tfl.nu/z4wf
  Replies (10) Good night (1473) Bad night (538)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.

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  (215): If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life. http://tfl.nu/9g40
  Replies (2) Good night (1109) Bad night (574)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.

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  (563): You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say. http://tfl.nu/uumg
  Replies (4) Good night (877) Bad night (319)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.

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  (480): Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now. http://tfl.nu/9q96
  Replies (0) Good night (358) Bad night (308)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest

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  (201): I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest http://tfl.nu/yr20
  Replies (0) Good night (294) Bad night (192)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?

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  (832): If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me? http://tfl.nu/3f6r
  Replies (5) Good night (500) Bad night (243)

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