I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
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Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis