I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
