Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
