speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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