what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
