i think my mom watched the whole time
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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