I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
