No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think weed is turning my hair brown
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My vagina is officially offended.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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