capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize