It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
