I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just want to make out with him forever
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
