i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
