I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sorry my hands just texted you
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
