Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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