On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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