Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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