Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
