I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
