Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
