I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
